The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
🎧 111: Matthew and I . . .
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🎧 111: Matthew and I . . .

Little Follies, β€œThe Fox and the Clam,” Chapter 7 begins, read by the author
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7

MATTHEW AND I KEPT OUR DISTANCE throughout kindergarten, but we wound up together in Mrs. Castile’s class in the first grade. We were in competition from the first day. Mrs. Castile asked me to distribute copies of Along Sunny Paths, the primer that we would be reading. Matthew looked through his copy and marched right up to Mrs. Castile’s desk with it.
Β Β Β Β Β β€œMrs. Castile,” he said, β€œI don’t want to cause any trouble, but I’d rather not waste my time reading this book.”
Β Β Β Β Β β€œOh?” said Mrs. Castile.
Β Β Β Β Β β€œYeah,” said Matthew. β€œYou see, I can already read.”
Β Β Β Β Β β€œIsn’t that nice!” said Mrs. Castile. β€œMaybe you’ll help some of the other boys and girls learn to read.”
Β Β Β Β Β β€œMaybe,” said Matthew, β€œbut I don’t want to have to read this junk.” He tried to hand the book to her.
Β Β Β Β Β β€œMatthew,” said Mrs. Castile. β€œThis book is not β€˜junk.’ All of these books are brand new, and there are lots of nice stories in them.”
Β Β Β Β Β β€œMrs. Castile,” said Matthew, β€œthe stories in here are too simple. They don’t give you anything to think about. You know what I mean. Here, look at this oneβ€”β€˜Quack, Duck, Quack.’ That might be interesting for—”
Β Β Β Β Β He turned toward the classroom, looking for someone to use as an example of the β€œQuack, Duck, Quack” level of mental development. I was on my way back to Mrs. Castile’s desk with the extra books. Matthew pointed at me and sneered.
Β Β Β Β Β β€œβ€”for Peter. In fact, he’ll probably love it, but it’s just too simple for me.”
Β Β Β Β Β β€œWe’ll see, Matthew,” said Mrs. Castile. β€œFor now, I’m afraid that you will have to read the stories in Along Sunny Paths with the rest of the boys and girls.”
Β Β Β Β Β β€œI knew it was no use,” said Matthew, when he passed me on his way back to his seat. β€œI’m supposed to read about the duckies with the rest of you nitwits.”
Β Β Β Β Β For a moment, I was going to hit him with my copy of Along Sunny Paths, but I thought better of it. I didn’t want to have to go through another of those apologies.
Β Β Β Β Β Matthew could, in fact, read very well. So could I, and four other children in Mrs. Castile’s class could read well, too. Mrs. Castile gave the six of us another book to read, Down Dark Alleys, and had us gather in the cloakroom during reading time to read and discuss the stories on our own. Each day she would appoint one of us as leader. I was the leader on the day that we read a story called β€œThe Happy Clam.”
Β Β Β Β Β β€œToday we’re going to read a story called β€˜The Happy Clam,’” I said, by way of introduction. Then, emulating Mrs. Castile, I said, β€œNow let’s see who will read the story for us.” I looked around, pretending to choose someone, but in fact I had already decided to choose Matthew. β€œMatthew,” I said, β€œwhy don’t you read for us?”

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The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The entire Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy, read by the author. "A masterpiece of American humor." Los Angeles Times