“THE FOX WAS SAD at the beginning,” said Matthew, “because there was no reason for him to be happy. The clam was happy because he was a jerk. The fox was angry with the clam because he couldn’t stand to be around jerks. The fox wasn’t sad at the end because he was dead. And the clam will stay happy as long as he’s a jerk.” He looked hard at me. “But if he ever wises up, he’ll be as miserable as the fox.”
Sitting next to Matthew was Mary Elizabeth Patterson. Mary Elizabeth could make a cloudy day sunny. She was a small girl with slender arms and short brown hair. Whenever I saw her in the morning, outside, before school started, she was smiling and full of things to say. When she smiled, she showed a lot of teeth. She had long, pointed canines that I thought were awfully cute. Before the day began, Mary Elizabeth and I would spend a few minutes chatting happily about the amusing things our parents had done the night before. I was quite contentedly in love with her, and I basked in the certainty that my love was reciprocated. On this day she was wearing a yellow dress with a full skirt, white anklets, and patent-leather shoes. She had been squirming on her chair throughout Matthew’s reading. While he was answering the questions, she squirmed on her chair with more impatience and waved her hand in the air. When Matthew finished, I said, “Mary Elizabeth, do you want to say something?” I expected her to tell Matthew to stop being a Gloomy Gus, or words to that effect.
“I just wanted to say that I agree with Matthew,” she said.
On the tip of my tongue were the words “I think you’re right, Mary Elizabeth.” I was even leaning forward a bit in my chair to encourage her. I caught myself before I spoke, and then I had to catch myself again before I fell off the chair. Mary Elizabeth went right on.
“I think this story shows that you just can’t win,” she said. She was looking at Matthew while she spoke, and the look in her eyes was admiration. I had to say something.
“Well,” I said, “I guess you can’t win them all. That’s what my father says.”
“Oh, that’s just silly, Peter,” said Mary Elizabeth.
Darkness seemed to descend in the cloakroom. Mary Elizabeth and Matthew were staring into each other’s eyes. They looked perfectly miserable and perfectly compatible.
Have you missed an episode or two or several?
You can begin reading at the beginning or you can catch up by visiting the archive or consulting the index to the Topical Guide.
You can listen to the episodes on the Personal History podcast. Begin at the beginning or scroll through the episodes to find what you’ve missed.
At Apple Books you can download free eBooks of “My Mother Takes a Tumble,” “Do Clams Bite?,” “Life on the Bolotomy,” “The Static of the Spheres,” “The Fox and the Clam,” and “The Girl with the White Fur Muff,” the first six novellas in Little Follies.
You’ll find an overview of the entire work in An Introduction to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy. It’s a pdf document.
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