The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
🎧 151: I woke early . . .
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🎧 151: I woke early . . .

Little Follies, β€œThe Girl with the White Fur Muff,” Chapter 24, read by the author
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24

I WOKE EARLY on Sunday morning and sat upright in my bed thinking the situation over. My two biggest problems were Spike and Veronica. Until I chose one of them to play the part of Cordelia, I wasn’t going to be able to think about the other roles. Thank goodness I didn’t have to worry about Clarissa, too. Several times during my deliberations I felt a sudden rush of affection for her.
Β Β Β Β Β Spike wanted the part, and I was quite sure that she would break my foot if she didn’t get it. Veronica wanted the part, and I was quite sure that she would show up at the kitchen door one morning and hand my underpants to my mother if she didn’t get it. Mrs. Graham’s notes weren’t very helpful, since she had recommended giving the part to Wilbur Carpenter.
Β Β Β Β Β I tried to imagine how it might feel to have my foot broken with a brick. I tried to imagine how it might feel to explain to my parents how Veronica had gotten my underpants. I went out to the garage and found a couple of boards that fit under my armpits like crutches. I shoved my foot into one of the empty coffee cans that my father accumulated in case he might need them for mixing paint, and I tried hobbling around a bit. It was really kind of fun. My father called out the kitchen door to say that breakfast was ready. While I sat at the table dunking my toast into my cocoa and playing with the blobs of butter that formed on the surface, I pretended, silently, that I was undergoing my parents’ you-have-some-explaining-to-do-young-man interrogation. Veronica and her parents were there too, and Veronica’s underpants, which I had been made to retrieve from my sock drawer, lay with mine in the center of the table. This really wasn’t any fun at all.
Β Β Β Β Β I decided to give the part to Veronica.

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The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The entire Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy, read by the author. "A masterpiece of American humor." Los Angeles Times