The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
šŸŽ§ 249: Luther also provided ...
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šŸŽ§ 249: Luther also provided ...

Herb ā€™nā€™ Lorna, Chapter 2 continues, read by the author
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LUTHER ALSO PROVIDED the occasion for Lornaā€™s introduction to the acrobatics of sex. It happened a few years later, one winter, on the day of Lutherā€™s first sleigh ride of the season.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā The first sleigh ride of the winter was an event that Luther began to anticipate in the fall. He needed the infusion of daring that he got from that first ride of the winter, and his need increased throughout the fall. He lived in two rooms, down in the valley, near the mills, but he kept his sleigh in his brotherā€™s barn, behind his brotherā€™s house, beside his brotherā€™s boxy farm wagon, where it stood idle until the winter. In the winter of the year in which Bertha turned sixteen, after the first good snowfall, when Uncle Luther arrived to take the sleigh out for the first run of the season, he found Bertha sitting in the sleigh, waiting for him, shivering. She begged him to take her with him on the first ride, though she knew that he always made the first run alone.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œYou know that I always make the first run alone, Bertha,ā€ said Luther.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI know you do,ā€ said Bertha. ā€œBut this year I want you to take me with you.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œIā€™m inclined to drive like a madman on the first run, Bertha. I donā€™t want to put you in danger. Youā€™ll have to wait until tomorrow.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI want to feel the danger,ā€ said Bertha. ā€œI want you to take me with you, Uncle Luther.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā He insisted that she get out. She insisted that he take her with him. He tried to lift her from the seat. She threw her arms around his neck, and said, ā€œOh, please, Uncle Luther, I wonā€™t be afraid. I want to go with you so much. Iā€™ve always wanted to go with you on the first mad run of the winter. Take me, please, just this once.ā€ He lifted her in his arms, lifting her out of the sleigh, with the intention of setting her on her feet and telling her firmly that she could not go, but she kissed him, awkwardly, eagerly. Luther changed his mind.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œRun to the house and see if your mother will let you go,ā€ he said, slowly, looking into her eyes while he spoke. ā€œTell her that Iā€™m willing to have you come with me.ā€ He set Bertha on her feet. She turned and ran at once for the house. Lorna, who had been watching through the barn door, turned and ran around the corner of the barn before she was seen.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā When Luther and Bertha returned from the ride, Lorna was waiting in the hay loft. May Castle was able to give me a good idea of what Lorna saw:

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Oh, she thought it was quite a hilarious scene. Well, she was half frozen by the time they came back, and she was just terribly frightened too, because she could tell that something was up that shouldnā€™t be up. Well, and she was just exhilarated too, of course, since she knew she was likely to see something worth seeing.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā So there she was, up above them, in this hay thing, terrified that she would be discovered, but she could hardly keep herself from laughing. It seemed to her that they were doing the most outlandish things. Of course, she hardly saw a thing in the flesh, so to speak. It was winter, of course, and her uncle and sister were bundled up because of the cold. This was ā€” well ā€” around 1910, I would think. People used to wear much more clothing then than they do now, at any time of year. Well, her uncle Luther had all but disappeared under her sisterā€™s skirts, and Lorna thought she would surely burst out laughing. Then they were turned this way, and then that way, but the blankets and clothing kept her from seeing exactly what was going on.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Lorna was not ā€” well ā€” innocent. No, I didnā€™t mean to say that. Snip that out. Snip! I meant to say that she was innocent, but she was not ignorant. This was country living! The Hubers had some chickens and goats and dogs and such. Lorna had seen plenty of rutting, and she was quite sure ā€” in a little girlā€™s way ā€” that rutting was what her sister and uncle were up to, but she couldnā€™t tell exactly how they were going about it. She put together an idea ā€” a very complicated and rather kinky idea, from what she knew about the farm animals and what she knew about ā€” well, about herself. Oh, she told this story once so very well, when she got a little tipsy. That was rare for Lorna, but whenever she and Herb and Garth and I got together, well, Garth would always do his best to get her a little looped. And now and then he succeeded. He always had a new drink for her to try, something exotic, with fruit juice and rum. She never knew how much rum she was getting with all of that juice and ā€” oh, I donā€™t know what else ā€” an orange slice, and a cherry, and so on. Well, she would get quite giddy after a while. She always became giddy when she drank. Herb became serious. Garth became flirtatious. Well, he was always flirtatious ā€” more than flirtatious. If he hadnā€™t been so charming, he would have gotten himself slapped many a time. And punched many another. As it was, well ā€” oops, Iā€™m straying. Well, thatā€™s when she told the story about Bertha and Luther. Oh, but the best part of it was that she mimicked their expressions, and it was just the most lascivious performance. She never behaved like that at any other time. And donā€™t think that Garth didnā€™t try to get her to tell the story again and again.

In Topical Guide 249, Mark Dorset considers Amusements and Pastimes: Sleigh Ride from this episode.

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The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The entire Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy, read by the author. "A masterpiece of American humor." Los Angeles Times