The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
šŸŽ§ 266: When he got . . .
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šŸŽ§ 266: When he got . . .

Herb ā€™nā€™ Lorna, Chapter 5 continues, read by the author
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WHEN HE GOT the news, he ran to his Uncle Benā€™s and burst into the apartment shouting, ā€œUncle Ben, Iā€™ve been drafted!ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œOh, Herb!ā€ cried his Aunt Louise. ā€œOh, your poor mother.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI know,ā€ said Herb. ā€œThatā€™s what Iā€™m worried about. But Iā€™ve got it all worked out, Uncle Ben.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ben put his fork down and looked at Herb thoughtfully. He assumed that Herb was going to try to get him to support Lester and Millie while he was in the army, or even ā€” God forbid ā€” try to make him agree to support them forever if Herb were killed. ā€œNow, Herb,ā€ said Ben, ā€œyou know Iā€™d like to be in a position to take on the burden of seeing that your mother and father are cared for ā€” ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Herb laughed. ā€œRelax, Uncle Ben,ā€ he said. ā€œIā€™m not going to ask you to support them. Go back to eating. Iā€™ve got a plan that will enable me to keep right on selling.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œOh?ā€ said Ben, brightening.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œThatā€™s right,ā€ said Herb. ā€œListen. Iā€™m going to be in a camp with a thousand, ten thousand, I-donā€™t-know-how-many thousand men. What better place for me to sell ā€” ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā He stopped himself, glanced at his aunt and at his young cousins. They were more attentive than ever before, the new imminence of death or dismemberment lending to Herbā€™s words a gravity and fascination theyā€™d never had before.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œSell books,ā€ said Herb.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œBooks?ā€ asked Ben. He wore a look of surprise and incredulity.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œThatā€™s right!ā€ said Herb. ā€œThose men are going to be lonely, isnā€™t that right, Uncle Ben?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œOh yes,ā€ said Ben. ā€œIā€™m certain they will be lonely. Frightened, too, I guess. Lonely and frightened. Mostly frightened.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI see what Herbā€™s getting at,ā€ said Louise. ā€œAll those lonely, frightened men. What would they want most?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œUm, thatā€™s exactly right,ā€ said Herb. He turned toward Ben and risked a wink. ā€œWhat is it that a man turns to to alleviate his loneliness and fear? What fire drives away the chill of fear and lights even the darkest and loneliest corners?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œLiterature!ā€ shouted Ben. ā€œBy God, youā€™re right, Herb! Itā€™s a brilliant stroke.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œWell, uh, yes, Iā€™m glad you think so, Uncle Ben,ā€ said Herb. He looked at his aunt and his cousins. Their eyes had filled with tears inspired by Herbā€™s selflessness, his thinking of the fear and loneliness of his fellow doughboys, even as he must have anticipated his own loneliness, his own fear.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI donā€™t see how we can miss,ā€ said Ben. He threw his arm across Herbā€™s shoulders and drew him close. ā€œI donā€™t want you telling anyone else about this, Herb,ā€ he said. ā€œWe can do this all on our own. Who needs Professor Clapp? Besides, weā€™re going to want to pick our books especially for the young man in the trenches or on his way to the trenches, the young man about to look death in the teeth. Oh, sorry, Herb. You know what I mean. Those doughboys arenā€™t going to want to waste their time on Practical Poultry Keeping. Theyā€™re going to want stuff like, well, the Aeneid and Julius Caesar and Gulliverā€™s Travels. Twelve books, twelve great books. The Doughboyā€™s Dozen. Weā€™ll sell subscriptions to the folks at home and ship the books to their boys on the front lines. The same one-book-every-month idea!ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Later, when they managed to speak alone, Ben said, ā€œI know what you have in mind, Herb, but Iā€™m not sure we can ship something like that to France. I think the army checks packages and letters. The goods would never reach the boys.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI know, Uncle Ben,ā€ said Herb. ā€œThatā€™s why Iā€™ve got to take a supply with me, a large supply. Iā€™m sure I can sell everything I can take, but I imagine that Iā€™ll be moving around a lot, so I probably wonā€™t be able to take much. I donā€™t know how much I can afford to buy all at once, though. Iā€™ll bet I could get a better price if I could get some pieces without buying through the Professor Clapp people. Can I go right to the people who make the goods?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œOf course you can!ā€ said Ben. ā€œTheyā€™re in New York somewhere, not too far from Albany, I think. Whatā€™s it called, now? Chackā€“? Checkā€“? Chacallit. Thatā€™s it. Iā€™ll go with you! It should be quite an adventure.ā€

In Topical Guide 266, Mark Dorset considers Literature: Its Value and Utility and Real Reality, Fictional Reality from this episode.

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The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The entire Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy, read by the author. "A masterpiece of American humor." Los Angeles Times