The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
🎧 95: Porky took a swallow of beer . . .
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🎧 95: Porky took a swallow of beer . . .

Little Follies, β€œThe Fox and the Clam,” the Preface continues, read by the author
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Β Β Β Β Β Porky took a swallow of beer and ate another onion ring before he spoke.
Β Β Β Β Β β€œWell,” he said, β€œit’s like this.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin and cleared his throat. β€œI suppose it happens to all of us from time to time: we feel utterly miserable for no clear or sufficient reason, you know what I mean? Even those of us who think of ourselves as essentially happy people find that our essential happiness is, at these times, in danger of drowning, as it were, in a sea of misery.”
Β Β Β Β Β Al, Raskol, and I looked at one another. Raskol went up to the bar to get us some drinks.
Β Β Β Β Β β€œMost often,” Porky went on, β€œthe miseryβ€”almost despairβ€”is brought on not by a tragedy but by an accumulation of small problems. I think it’s the smallness of these problems that makes them so deadly, because if you think about it you’ll realize that our lives are full of small things that could go wrong, and when one of them does go wrong, we’re suddenly threatened with the collapse of the whole Tinkertoy framework of our lives, you get me? When the freezer broke down in one of my Kap’n Klam Family Restaurants today, it made me think there’s a good chance that the freezers in all the rest of them will break down tomorrow. Happiness is a fragile commodity, kids. You get a little crack in it, and the next thing you know it’s in pieces all over the floor.”
Β Β Β Β Β Porky went back to work on the onion rings. Al gave me a worried look. Porky wiped his mouth again and went on.
Β Β Β Β Β β€œAt such times as that, when a little crack shows up in my essential happiness,” he said, β€œI respond very badly. I try to resist the despair, and I try hard. I use all the right arguments with myself, and I actually work at fighting the despair, but little by little my strength slips away. It’s like trying to row a boat across the bay into a fierce headwindβ€”can you get that picture in your mind? I’m in this rowboat, and I’m rowing like blazes, but I’m not getting anywhere. The rain is lashing against my back. The wind is stronger than I am. I’m getting more and more tired. The boat is filling with rainwater. In fact, I think it’s starting to leak. I know what I should doβ€”press on, Porky, press on. But I ask myselfβ€”why? Why go to any more trouble? I stop rowing. I sit there, exhausted, miserable, leaving myself at the mercy of the wind and the rain.”
Β Β Β Β Β I reached for one of Porky’s onion rings, but Al slapped my hand.
Β Β Β Β Β β€œIn a perverse way,” Porky continued, β€œI enjoy these periods of misery. I think I enjoy them because they give depth and texture to my life, to my character, you know? I wouldn’t want to be happy all the time, to have people pass me off as one of the grasshoppers rather than one of the ants. Periods of brooding, it seems to me, show that I’m serious, that I’m sensitive to the pain of modern life, that I’m not unaware of how fragile the fabric of a happy life is.”
Β Β Β Β Β Porky sat in silence for a moment. None of the rest of us could think of anything to say. Finally Porky spoke. β€œHey, Shirley!” he called out. β€œHow about another beer and some more onion rings?”

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The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The entire Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy, read by the author. "A masterpiece of American humor." Los Angeles Times
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