The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
šŸŽ§ 312: When Dr. Stickler ...
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šŸŽ§ 312: When Dr. Stickler ...

Herb ā€™nā€™ Lorna, Chapter 10 begins, read by the author
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Chapter 10

In Which Herb and Lornaā€™s Daughter Is Born

WHEN DR. STICKLER gave them the news that Lorna was pregnant, Herb and Lorna felt, immediately, that this made everything just perfect ā€” not that either wanted things to remain forever as they were, but each felt that for now, with a baby on the way, everything was perfect. But then Herb began to worry. He worried that Lorna might not want a child now, while they were living with the Mikszaths, while he was trying to make a start at Babbington Studebaker. More than anything else he wanted Lorna to be happy, and he thought that he had to make her happy. And then Lorna began to worry. She worried that Herb might not want a child now, while they were living with the Mikszaths, while she was working to make ends meet. She wanted him to be happy; she thought she had to make him happy.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œDo you mind?ā€ she asked when they were back at home.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œMind?ā€ said Herb. ā€œMind! Iā€™m overwhelmed! Overwhelmed with joy, I mean.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Overwhelmed, she thought. Overwhelmed by the idea of three of us living in this room?
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 
ā€œDo you ā€” do you mind?ā€ Herb asked. He wondered whether her question was a way of asking whether he agreed that theyā€™d be cramped with a baby.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œOh, Herb,ā€ she said, ā€œI love it. Her. I love her already.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œHer? Youā€™re sure?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI have a hunch.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œYou wonā€™t feel cramped here, Lorna?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œNot if you wonā€™t.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI wonā€™t if you wonā€™t.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œYou will, wonā€™t you?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œNo! Oh, no. Not if you wonā€™t.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œAre you being honest with me, Herb?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI am. I am. Youā€™re the one who isnā€™t.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œYou want to move, donā€™t you?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œNo! I donā€™t want to move. I think you want to move.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œAnd I think you want to move.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œAll right, letā€™s move.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œFine! If thatā€™s what you want, letā€™s move.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œIt isnā€™t what I want! Itā€™s what you want. Why donā€™t you just admit it?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI will not admit anything of the kind. Youā€™re doing this because you want to move.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œLorna, Iā€™m doing this for you.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI donā€™t want you to do it for me. I donā€™t want you to do anything for me. Not like this. I donā€™t want you giving anything up for me. Or for Ella.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œElla?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œElla.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œElla. Hm. Ella.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œDo you like it?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI ā€” ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œYou donā€™t like it.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI do. I do like it. Ella Piper. Itā€™s easy to say ā€” thatā€™s important. People remember your name if itā€™s easy to say, if itā€™s catchy. Ella Piper. Itā€™s not short for anything, is it?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œCinderella.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œYouā€™re not going to call her ā€” ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œNo, no. Of course not. Sheā€™ll never even know. Only you and I will.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā A pause.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œYou ā€” you do want to move, donā€™t you?ā€ said Herb.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œYou want to move!ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œOnly if you do.ā€

In Topical Guide 312, Mark Dorset considers Love: Demonstrations of: Deference, Complaisance, Munificence, Levitation from this episode.

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The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The entire Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy, read by the author. "A masterpiece of American humor." Los Angeles Times