319: One rainy evening ...
Herb ’n’ Lorna, Chapter 10 continues
ONE RAINY EVENING not long after, Garth and May and Herb and Lorna were settled in front of a fire in May’s living room, and Herb was telling the story of the arrival at the showroom, that morning, of Miss Decker.
“She took me by surprise,” said Herb. “She was the last person any of us ever expected to buy a car. We used to joke about it.”
“That’s right,” said Garth. “It was already a stale gag. We’d be having a cup of coffee and someone would look up as if something had caught his eye and say, ‘My God, I don’t believe it! Here comes Miss Decker!’ The idea was to make someone turn to see if she really was coming — you know, just to see if you could get a rise out of someone.”
“We used to do the same thing with, umm, a pretty girl, or — ” said Herb.
“Yeah,” said Garth. “I’d give a whistle and say ‘Ooooee,’ or something like that, and see how many heads would turn.”
“Life must be pretty boring at Babbington Studebaker,” said May.
“Anyway,” said Garth, “we had a name for those gags. What do you think we called them?”
“I can’t imagine,” said May.
“ ‘Miss Deckers,’ ” said Garth.
“So, when I looked up from my desk and saw Miss Decker,” said Herb, “I said, ‘My God, here comes Miss Decker!’ Garth called out, ‘You’re not getting me to come out of my office, Herb.’ Well, I went to the door and held it open for her and said, ‘Good morning, Miss Decker.’ ”
“I was sure he was trying to pull a Miss Decker on me,” said Garth. “I called out, ‘What on earth brings you here, Miss Decker?’ I really exaggerated it, so Herb would know I hadn’t been taken in. I thought I was just going along with the gag.”
“And Miss Decker called right back to him, bright and cheery, ‘I thought I might buy myself a car.’ ”
“I thought I was going to have a heart attack,” said Garth.
“I heard Garth’s chair crash to the floor, and then I saw him in the doorway of his office, red as a beet, stammering and harrumphing.”
“I tell you, I couldn’t talk,” said Garth. “She had pulled the biggest Miss Decker of them all.”
“It got worse,” said Herb. “She wanted to buy a President tourer. Now, I had given a lot of thought to what kind of car would be best for her, just in case she ever did happen to walk into the showroom, and a big President was all wrong. I explained that a nice lightweight Erskine delivery car would be much more convenient for carrying the pies she makes, and that I was sure people would quickly become accustomed to her driving a delivery car.
“ ‘I would look ridiculous,’ she said.
“ ‘Oh, no,’ I told her. ‘You wouldn’t look ridiculous.’ ”
“And this is when I almost ruined it,” admitted Garth. “Ordinarily, I never interfere with a sale, but this was no ordinary sale. I came out of my office onto the floor and said, ‘Oh, no, Miss Decker, you wouldn’t look ridiculous at all! In fact, one of those big Presidents might make you look, well, not ridiculous exactly, but as if you were overreaching yourself.’ Well overreaching was the wrong word, I guess. All I meant was that the damned car was too big and impractical, but after all, she does sell pies, doesn’t she? You would have thought I’d called her a tramp.
“ ‘Overreaching!’ she shouted. ‘Overreaching! Why, why, why —’
“And I said, ‘Well, that may have been the wrong word.’
“She began reciting the family history. ‘The Deckers have been among the first families of Babbington since before there was a Babbington. Why, Ephraim Decker built the first house to have a stone-and-mortar foundation!’ ”
“They were one of the last families to have indoor plumbing,” said May.
“I began backing toward my office,” said Garth. “ ‘I’m terribly sorry, Miss Decker,’ I said. ‘I’m not myself today. I may be coming down with something.’ And you know what she said? ‘I should hope so!’ ”
When they stopped laughing, Herb said, “Now for the funny part.”
“Oh, she didn’t!” cried Lorna.
“She certainly did,” said Herb. “A seven-passenger tourer.”
They laughed. They repeated the best bits. They laughed some more. Garth made more drinks. After he had handed them around, he set his down and dropped to one knee in front of May. He said, “If you’re ready for something really funny, I’d like to ask you to marry me, May.”
Well! I laughed. To tell you the truth, I thought he was pulling a Miss Decker. So I thought I’d pull one right back. I said yes.
[to be continued on Thursday, August 18, 2022]
In Topical Guide 319, Mark Dorset considers Goals & Aspirations: Appropriate & Inappropriate: “Overreaching” and Studebakers from this episode.
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