The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
šŸŽ§ 368: Nor did I see ...
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šŸŽ§ 368: Nor did I see ...

Herb ā€™nā€™ Lorna, Chapter 16 continues, read by the author
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Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Nor did I see that there was tension in the house. I was happy there. I supposed that everyone else was, and supposing it to be so, I saw it as so. I would never have imagined that, one night, Herb lay in bed, awake, imagining how Bert and Ella must feel, at night, lying in bed in the room down the hall, inhibited by the fact of their living in his house, forced to be so quiet, so contained, constrained to whisper, so tense and awkward. He realized that the feelings he ascribed to them were those he felt himself.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œLorna,ā€ he whispered. ā€œLorna, are you awake?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œMmm.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œIt must be awful for them, Lorna.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œWhat?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œLiving here with us.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œOh. I know.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œYou remember how you felt about living with your parents?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œIndeed I do.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œThis is worse.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI think youā€™re right.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œBack then, neither of us ever thought about what it might have been like for your parents if we had lived there. I mean, well, I never thought that they would feel ā€” inhibited.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Lorna sat up. ā€œI never thought about them at all. I suppose I thought they were too old to care. I suppose I thought that when they went to bed they just went to sleep and that was that.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œNow weā€™re finding out,ā€ said Herb. ā€œWe have to whisper at night, just the way we would have if we had lived at your parentsā€™ house.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œAnd we have to be careful about not having one drink too many.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œWe have to talk in code.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œAnd we havenā€™t set fire to anything for quite a while.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œWeā€™re hiding from them.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œAnd theyā€™re hiding from us, too.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œTheyā€™re so quiet at night that sometimes I catch myself straining to try to hear something.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI know what you mean. Sometimes I worry that their marriage is breaking up. I never hear any ā€” crackling flames. If it werenā€™t for Peter, I would have wondered whether they ever ā€” well ā€” ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œ ā€” struck a match.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œWeā€™ve got to get them out of here, Herb.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œHow much do you think they have saved?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œOh, I donā€™t know, but it canā€™t be much.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI think I could raise some money pretty quickly, Lorna.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œYou could?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI could ā€” Iā€™m sure I could. There are ā€” a couple of people who are going to be coming due for new cars that I could kind of hurry along, I think, and the ā€” I forgot to tell you this ā€” the company is having a contest ā€” itā€™s a contest for top salesman in the country ā€” they havenā€™t announced it or anything yet ā€” and the whole thing is going to be kept quiet ā€” no ceremony or anything like that ā€” no hoopla ā€” just a cash award, and ā€” ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI have an idea too!ā€ said Lorna. ā€œMr. Berwick ā€” ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œ ā€” wants you back at the slide rule factory?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œNo ā€” better than that. He wants me to make some jewelry for Mrs. Berwick ā€” very special. Heā€™s been after me about it for some time. I donā€™t know why I never mentioned it. I guess I was a little afraid of it ā€” itā€™s a bigger job than Iā€™ve ever tried before. Well, Iā€™m going to do it! Heā€™s willing to pay very well.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā They lay there in silence for a while, contented, scheming, each planning how to return to the coarse-goods trade, which they had long neglected. Herb planned some bogus business trips. Lorna planned to enlist Mayā€™s help. But then another thought came to them. How would they get Bert to accept the money? It was easy enough for them to imagine duping each other, but they didnā€™t immediately see how they could fool anyone else.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œLorna ā€” ā€ said Herb.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œI know. How are we going to get Bert to accept the money?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œYeah. Heā€™s so damned stubborn about it.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œIā€™ll think of something,ā€ said Lorna. ā€œLet me worry about that part.ā€

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The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The entire Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy, read by the author. "A masterpiece of American humor." Los Angeles Times