The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
šŸŽ§ 372: When Bert and Ella ...
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šŸŽ§ 372: When Bert and Ella ...

Herb ā€™nā€™ Lorna, Chapter 16 continues, read by the author
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WHEN Bert and Ella and I were settled in a little house of our own, Herb and Lorna were alone at last, truly private for the first time ever. On their first night alone, Herb began bustling around as soon as he got home from work, laying a fire in the fireplace, plumping the pillows on the sofa, humming ā€œLake Serenity Serenade,ā€ while he worked. As soon as he and Lorna had finished dinner, Herb lit the fire and began fussing at it with the bellows. When he had it going to his satisfaction, he went into the kitchen and tugged Lorna away from the sink, tugged her, against her coy objections, into the living room, to the sofa, where he sat her down and sat himself beside her and put his arm around her.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œIā€™ve been waiting years for this,ā€ he said.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā They kissed.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œMrs. Stolz,ā€ called Herb, ā€œcan you hear me?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā They listened to the silence.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œElllllla!ā€ he called. ā€œAre you listening? Your mother and I are spooning!ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Lorna giggled.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œIā€™m unbuttoning her dress!ā€ called Herb.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā They brushed cheeks.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œSheā€™s squeezing my ā€” ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Lorna put her hand over his mouth. ā€œShhhh,ā€ she said. ā€œWe do have ā€” ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā A loud and urgent banging at the front door.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œ ā€” neighbors.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œOh, no,ā€ said Herb. He hopped up and ran to the door. ā€œWho is it?ā€ he called.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œItā€™s Dudley!ā€ cried Dudley. ā€œI was walking by and I heard shouting. Is there some trouble?ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œNo,ā€ said Herb. ā€œNo trouble.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œYouā€™re quite certain, Herb?ā€ asked Dudley.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œDudley,ā€ said Herb. ā€œGo home. Iā€™m making love to my wife.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Silence. A muffled laugh, from the sofa. Another muffled laugh, from outside, on the porch.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā€œGood night, Herb,ā€ said Dudley. Footsteps down the front steps. A pause. Footsteps back up the front steps. ā€œHave fun.ā€
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Herb returned to the sofa, where he and Lorna allowed themselves to carry on like a couple of passionate youngsters, the passionate youngsters who had made love in that rowboat on Lake Serenity, whose sexual inventiveness had created the animated coarse-goods business. In a while, they moved to the floor, in front of the fire. The importance of that fire, what it meant to them, was another thing that I couldnā€™t have known then.

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The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
šŸŽ§ 373: Every fall, . . .
Listen now (5 min) | Every fall, during those years when Bert and Ella and I had lived with Herb and Lorna, all five of us would drive upstate to buy firewood. Herb had constructed a small trailer just for hauling wood, and he and Bert, with the help and advice of Lorna and Ella, would get this hitched to the car the night before, so that we could leave before dawn theā€¦
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In Topical Guide 372, Mark Dorset considers Fire: As a Symbol for Passion, Love, and RomanceĀ  from this episode.

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The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The entire Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy, read by the author. "A masterpiece of American humor." Los Angeles Times