“Well,” said Herb, “since I’m the oldest — ”
Margot and Martha and Mark snickered. Herb gave them a quizzical look. “It’s nothing,” Mark said. “It just has to do with our announcement. I’ll explain in a minute.”
“Well,” said Herb again, “since I’m the oldest, I’m going to go first.”
“Oh, Herb,” said Lorna, “can’t you see they’re bursting to tell us? The three of them look like the cat that swallowed the canary. Let them tell us their announcement first, Herb.”
“Oh, no, no,” said Martha. “That’s all right. Herb should go first. Age does have its privileges.” The three of them snickered again. “You’ll find out why we’re laughing,” said Martha.
“Well,” said Herb, “now you’ve got me so curious that I want to hear what you’ve got to say.”
“Please, Herb,” Mark said, “you go first.”
“Nope,” said Herb. “I’ve made up my mind. I’m the oldest — ” He paused, waiting for a laugh and getting one from Margot, who just couldn’t hold it in — “and I say I want to hear the announcement.”
“Good for you, Herb,” said Lorna.
“All right,” said Margot. “I’ll make it.” She sat up straight, folded her hands in her lap, and said, “Mark and I are going to get married.”
Silence. Mark and Margot and Martha sat there smiling, saying nothing, and Herb and Lorna sat there with their mouths hanging open, saying nothing. After what seemed like quite a while, Lorna looked at Herb and then looked at the little box on the table. It seemed to startle her. “Oh,” she said. She reached out impulsively and covered the box with the napkin again. “Oh, my,” she said.
“Well,” said Herb. “That’s a surprise.”
“It’s wonderful,” said Lorna, as if she had just recalled that that was what one said in such a situation.
“I’m very happy for them,” said Martha, beaming and nodding her head. She seemed to want to convince them that she was. “Really,” she said. “Margot’s older; that’s why she got him.”
“Oh, yes,” said Lorna, smiling, but smiling in an abstract, theoretical way, as if she were testing the theory that a smile might be the appropriate response.
“You’re the first to know,” Mark said.
“Well, it’s lucky that we have a present for you,” said Herb. He seemed to have recovered his exuberance all at once. “It’s something we’re really proud of, and there’s quite a story behind it. Wait until you hear — ”
“Herb,” said Lorna. She was shaking her head rapidly, her brow was wrinkled, and she was looking down at her plate.
Herb went on, but he faltered. “Wait until you hear how we worked it out. See, I — um — it turns out that Lorna and I both, for years — that is, we never knew that we both were in — um — we got to thinking about what you said, Mark, after that night — ”
“Herb,” said Lorna again.
“Well,” Herb went on, “it took a lot of thought, a lot of thought, but we came up with — and then Lorna carved it out of ivory, a very good piece of ivory, and just wait till you see the workmanship on this — ”
He reached for the box, but Lorna had her hand clamped firmly over the napkin that hid it. “No, Herb,” she said. “We can’t give it to them now.”
Herb turned toward the trio, confused and, more than that, disappointed. “But — ,” he said.
Lorna raised her glass and said, “To Mark and Margot: every happiness for now and evermore. And to Martha: may you find someone just as nice as Mark.”
They all drank, but the atmosphere in which they drank was certainly strange. The next day, during the good-byes, Herb apologized for “all that gift business,” and Lorna said that they’d send Margot and Mark something “more appropriate.” When they asked what the gift was, Herb was all set to get it and show it to them, but Lorna wouldn’t let him, and she said that the best thing would be “for all of us to just forget all about it.” Then she looked at Mark and Margot and Martha for a moment and added, “At least for now.”
All the way home Mark and Margot and Martha wondered what the heck was in that box.
In Topical Guide 395, Mark Dorset considers Aging; Youth and Age; Old People from this episode.
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🎧 395: “Well,” said Herb ...