MY BODY-SURFING scare had reminded me of an episode in my childhood friendship with Matthew, one that I would much rather have forgotten. In the following days, he kept popping into my thoughts like an advertising jingle. Almost against my will, I found myself wondering about him, and then trying to construct a likely life for him, based on the boy I had known: a dour little fellow, pale and fretful, convinced that most people are contemptible, that most things will turn out badly. It didn’t take long for me to develop a profile for him as he might be in the present: a businessman, vice president of something, recently divorced, graying, obsessed with sex but sexually frustrated, a man with dreads and regrets dogging his heels.
I asked myself, “Where would a guy like that live?” Somewhere, I decided, where living is a struggle, where the weather keeps misery always in the air, somewhere like Boston.
At the library, I checked the Boston telephone directory. No number was listed for Matthew Barber. This intrigued me. Did it mean that I’d been wrong, that he wasn’t living in Boston, or did it mean that he was living in Boston but had an unlisted telephone number? Why would he have an unlisted number? Was he involved in something that might invite crank calls?
Then the thought struck me that he might be living under an assumed name. Why would he do that? If he had taken an assumed name, what name was he using? Some twist on his own name would appeal to his mathematical mind. I tried looking under Matthews, but didn’t find anything there. I wondered what I had expected to find. Something like Barbara Matthews? It wasn’t likely that he would suppose he could get away with masquerading as a woman — unless he’d had a sex-change operation or something. Had he? Had Matthew undergone a sex-change operation in Denmark? It didn’t seem likely, but it’s best to keep an open mind when conducting an investigation of this sort and not turn away from any alleyways of inquiry until one is quite sure that they lead nowhere.
Maybe he would choose a false name that was an anagram of his own. I tried a few, but didn’t find any of those in the telephone directory either, so I gave it up.
Still, I wondered what might have happened to him, and finally my curiosity demanded satisfaction, so I drove to Boston and spent a couple of weeks there — just to see what life would be like for him if he had settled there. I even thought that there was a possibility — remote, I admit, but still a possibility — that I might run into him on the street or in a restaurant, so I spent most of my time either walking around or eating. I was sure that if by any chance he did happen to be in Boston and I did happen to run into him, I would recognize him, even after all these years, even after the sex-change operation, if he had had one. I’d know him anywhere.
I ate in some interesting restaurants, including one that claimed to serve real honest-to-goodness New England food; I read some fascinating graffiti on my walks, very neatly printed expositions of a personal philosophy, a kind of twisted Epicureanism too deep or mad for me to fathom; and I marveled at the beauty of Boston women; but I didn’t see Matthew. He may have been on vacation. Maybe he was in Denmark.
Perhaps I should have stayed longer, even if it felt like persisting in a folly, but, one otherwise lovely autumn day, the first wind of winter blew in. Funneled by the buildings, it pummeled me, and it seemed to moan, “Memento mori.” The next day all Boston was wearing galoshes and the spring in their step was gone. They trudged along, heads bent, repentant. I got out of town.
Have you missed an episode or two or several?
You can begin reading at the beginning or you can catch up by visiting the archive or consulting the index to the Topical Guide.
You can listen to the episodes on the Personal History podcast. Begin at the beginning or scroll through the episodes to find what you’ve missed.
You can ensure that you never miss a future issue by getting a free subscription. (You can help support the work by choosing a paid subscription instead.)
At Apple Books you can download free eBooks of Little Follies and Herb ’n’ Lorna.
You’ll find overviews of the entire work in An Introduction to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy (a pdf document) and at Encyclopedia.com.
🎧 407: My body-surfing ...