THE CONVERSATION splits, as conversations in foursomes often do, and Matthew finds himself talking to Richard. He never has much to say to Richard. He asks about the children, because he thinks people who have children are flattered to be asked about them, since they’re investing their hopes in their kids, but then the thought strikes him that perhaps this isn’t really so. Maybe people with children are actually envious of them, feel that their kids are getting a much better deal than they got when they were young. In fact, Matthew decides, they’re probably annoyed when they’re asked about their children. Now he feels uncomfortable about having asked Richard about the children. There is also the intriguing possibility that Richard might be haunted by the suspicion that one of them is Matthew’s. Or both. The boost Matthew gets from imagining that suspicion comes not only from the pleasure it implies but from the implication that it’s possible. He suspects that it isn’t, or at least that it’s unlikely. When Liz didn’t become pregnant after three years of trying, her gynecologist suggested Matthew have a sperm count done. Matthew made an appointment, but as it approached he dreaded it more and more. He couldn’t stand the idea of masturbating on demand, in a toilet with girlie magazines. Then there was the possibility that he wouldn’t be able to. What if he couldn’t get an erection under those circumstances? He’d have to face nurses, wouldn’t he? He’d have to walk through a waiting room full of other men, and he could imagine them snickering as he passed. Matthew decided that he probably did have a low sperm count. It was a good explanation; why not just accept it without verifying it? He canceled the appointment but told Liz that he kept it. A couple of days later he reported the results, which he fabricated from Taber’s Cyclopedic Medical Dictionary and Our Bodies, Ourselves: a low sperm count, low percentage of motility, high percentage of abnormalities. Liz was understanding.
While Richard talks about the children — something about school, television, shoes — Matthew is distracted by the conversation between Effie and Belinda. It seems to be entirely about work, but he keeps thinking — hoping — that they’re about to start talking about him.
Have you missed an episode or two or several?
You can begin reading at the beginning or you can catch up by visiting the archive or consulting the index to the Topical Guide.
You can listen to the episodes on the Personal History podcast. Begin at the beginning or scroll through the episodes to find what you’ve missed.
You can listen to “My Mother Takes a Tumble” complete and uninterrupted as an audiobook through YouTube.
You can ensure that you never miss a future issue by getting a free subscription. (You can help support the work by choosing a paid subscription instead.)
At Apple Books you can download free eBooks of Little Follies and Herb ’n’ Lorna.
You’ll find overviews of the entire work in An Introduction to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy (a pdf document) and at Encyclopedia.com.
Share this post