The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
🎧 540: “I asked . . .”
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🎧 540: “I asked . . .”

Reservations Recommended, Chapter 6 continues, read by the author
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     “I asked her for a spoon, and I told her to bring you some of this bouillabaisse stir-fry.”
     “Oh, you didn’t.”
     “I did. You’ll like it. You don’t like that stuff. Why should you have to eat something you don’t like?”
     “I don’t want the goddamned bouillabaisse stir-fry. So tell her that when she brings you your spoon, which she’s about to do.”
     “Here you are,” says the waif. “Here’s your spoon.” She holds it out to him, by the handle, the bowl toward Matthew.
     “Tell her,” says Liz.
     Matthew grasps the handle of the spoon and the hand of the waif. With a smile, he says, “You’d better cancel that second order of bouillabaisse stir-fry.”
     The waif employs her shrug. What, after all, does any of this mean to her? The stupid restaurant was probably her boyfriend’s idea anyway, and she’d be just as happy doing anything else with any other boyfriend, as long as he was cute and treated her okay and didn’t get angry or blue. “Okay,” she says, and she’s off.
     Did she notice that I was holding her hand? Practically holding her hand?
     
“Well,” says Liz, “I’ve probably spoiled your chances there. She must think you can’t make up your mind.”
     “I’m sure she thinks that you can’t make up your mind.”
     Careful, Matthew, whispers BW. Don’t lose it now.
     
“I’m sure that I think you can’t make up your mind. Why the hell are you back now? What’s the idea, anyway? Why suggest that we get together? Adding insult to injury? Did you just want to poke at the wound a little to see if it was still open? Huh? Why?”
     “Oh, I don’t know.”
     “You don’t know? Sure you know. You must know.”
     “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
     “Oh, you didn’t? What did you have in mind?”
     “I knew I was going to be coming back to Boston, and I knew I was going to have to tell you sometime, so I thought I might as well tell you right away.”
     “All right. All right. I believe that. But why the hell did you have to make it that kind of evening? A reunion. The Black Hole and all. And why the fuck did you have to get into bed with me? I mean, shit, Liz. Why did you lead me on?” He laughs at this, in spite of himself. Liz laughs, too.
     “I told you. I was curious.”
     “Yeah — but. You knew it would make me think that you — you must have known it would make me think you wanted to come back.”
     “I didn’t think. I was bombed.”
     “Yeah, and curious.”
     “I’m still kind of curious.”
     Uh-oh, you’re getting an erection, says BW. Don’t fall for this, Matthew. This is a power play.
     
“What? Your curiosity wasn’t satisfied?”
     “Not entirely.” There’s a smirk on her face. Is that a parody of a come-hither look? Is it the real thing?
     “So you might like to drop in from time to time for further investigations?”
     “I might.”
     “Well, fuck you. Or rather, I won’t fuck you. What do you want me to do, provide dinner and drinks and dick until you find someone you can fall in love with?”
     Excellent! Excellent! says BW. You don’t sound like yourself at all. “Dick”? You never say anything like that, Matthew. Where did you pick that up? I have to tell you, I was sure you were going to give in. You surprised me. You really did.
     
“Why not?” says Liz. “Wasn’t that your arrangement with Belinda?”

[to be continued]

In Topical Guide 540, Mark Dorset considers Characters and Characterization from this episode.

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The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy
The entire Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy, read by the author. "A masterpiece of American humor." Los Angeles Times