FOR SOME TIME NOW, Matthew has had the mistaken idea that margaritas don’t make him drunk. That is why, sitting at the bar at Ike’s, he’s getting drunk on margaritas. He began the evening at the bar at the Alley View, where he had a frozen Bombay and, since it tasted so good, another. Now, sitting here, he’s trying to decide, first, whether or not to review this place, and second, whether or not to continue living.
It’s really not worthy of a review, says BW. Why don’t we move on?
And I’m not suited to this world, this time, this culture, and never will be, thinks Matthew. Why not check out?
Matthew isn’t aware of it, but his lips are moving. It wouldn’t be quite accurate to say that he’s talking to himself, since no sound issues from his moving lips, but he’s awfully close.
I’d really rather you didn’t, admits BW. Perhaps it is to Matthew’s credit that his lips do not move with BW’s thoughts, only with his own.
It doesn’t have to be painful or messy, you know. I’m not exactly sure how I’d go about it, but I’m sure that with a little research I could come up with an acceptable method.
Before you go that far, says BW, why not try something else?
Yeah?
Try surrendering to me. Just think of the advantages if you let me guide you. There are pleasures for you in my world, Matthew. I guarantee I can teach you to have a good time. There will be no more of these seizures of the spirit, no more anguish of the soul. Put yourself in my care and you will nevermore stumble into despondency. I’ll hold you up.
Sure.
Matthew, don’t you deserve some pleasure? I mean, really, aren’t you owed? Consider this: you took Leila home untouched. Don’t you deserve something in return for that? Why not start collecting what you’re owed?
You mean —
I mean why not start doing as you’ve been done to? What’s holding you back? You owe nothing. Nothing to anyone. The balance of payments is in your favor. Why do you keep making deposits in this account of goodness?
You want me to go into banking?
Very good. Be amusing. After all this time, be funny. But you know I’m right. When are you expecting to collect? You don’t believe in heaven or hell. Start collecting now. Listen, let’s take just one example. Effie.
Effie.
Ah, I knew that would interest you. Let’s suppose there actually is something wrong between her and Richard. Don’t you think you could get in there? Of course you could. She likes you, you know she does. Use that. Use it. Take. Take her. You can have her, you know.
Well, maybe, but —
But what? She wouldn’t love you? She wouldn’t love you, is that it? To hell with that. Nobody loves you. Nobody ever has.
Oh, shit.
So, what do you say — should we review this place?
Who cares?
[to be continued]
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🎧 545: For some time . . .