Topical Guide 177
Mark Dorset
Fortune Cookie Wisdom
I told myself to do what Porky had told me, to imagine myself doing what it was I wanted to do.
Little Follies, “Take the Long Way Home”
Possunt, quia posse videntur. Virg. æN. v. 231
For they conquer who believe they can. [Dryden’s translation][used by Samuel Johnson as epigraphs to his Rambler No. 25, a portion of which follows]
Unrealistic Expectations: Instilling in Children
There is a species of false intelligence, given by those who profess to show the way to the summit of knowledge, of a tendency to depress the mind with false distrust of itself, and weaken it by needless solicitude and dejection. When a scholar, whom they desire to animate, consults them at his entrance on some new study, it is common to make flattering representations of its pleasantness and facility. Thus they generally attain one of two ends almost equally desirable; they either incite his industry by elevating his hopes, or produce a high opinion of their own abilities, since they are supposed to relate only what they have found, and to have proceeded with no less ease than they promise to their followers.
The student, inflamed by this encouragement, sets forward in the new path, and proceeds a few steps with great alacrity, but he soon finds asperities and intricacies of which he has not been forewarned, and imagining that none ever were so entangled or fatigued before him, sinks suddenly into despair, and desists as from an expedition in which fate opposes him. Thus his terrors are multiplied by his hopes, and he is defeated without resistance, because he had no expectation of an enemy.
Of these treacherous instructors, the one destroys industry, by declaring that industry is vain, the other by representing it as needless; the one cuts away the root of hope, the other raises it only to be blasted: the one confines his pupil to the shore, by telling him that his wreck is certain, the other sends him to sea, without preparing him for tempests.
Imagination as Prognostication
I stood at the railing, closed my eyes, and summoned all the strength of imagination that I could muster, and in a single brilliant instant I was able to imagine everything that was going to happen.
I would say, “Well, here I go!” and I would push myself onto the floor and be startled by the sensation of having lost all control over my feet. . . .
“Oh, Peter, you were so funny!” Mrs. McCall would say, gasping for breath, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. “I haven’t laughed so much in I don’t know how long.”
“You were hilarious, kid,” Jack would say. He’d pat me on the shoulder and add, “You’re really a good sport.”Little Follies, “Take the Long Way Home
Humor: Unintended; Humorist: Reluctant
My popularity came to me unexpectedly after I had given up hoping for it; surprising me, annoying me. Gradually it dawned upon me that my company was being sought.
“Come along, Kelver,” would say the spokesman of one group; “we’re going part of your way home. You can walk with us.”
Maybe I would go with them, but more often, before we reached the gate, the delight of my society would be claimed by a rival troop.
“He’s coming with us this afternoon. He promised.” . . .
For a period it remained a mystery to me, until I asked explanation of Norval. . . . I put the question to him bluntly.
“Why should I walk home with you? Why do you want me?”
“Because we like you.”
“But why do you like me?”
“Why! Why, because you’re such a funny chap. You say such funny things.”
It struck me like a slap in the face. . . .
I was to be their Fool—I, dreamer of knightly dreams, aspirant to hero’s fame! I craved their wonder; I had won their laughter. I had prayed for popularity; it had been granted to me—in this guise. . . .
Had my vanity been less I should have flung their gift back in their faces. But my thirst for approbation was too intense. I had to choose: Cut capers and be followed, or walk in dignity, ignored. I chose to cut the capers. As time wore on I found myself striving to cut them quicker, quainter, thinking out funny stories, preparing ingenuous impromptus, twisting all ideas into odd expression.
I had my reward.
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