Topical guide 207
Mark Dorset
White, Chester “Porky” as Benevolent Daemon or Tutelary Deity
Author as Puppeteer or Ventriloquist
“Let me give you some advice,” he said. “You don’t have to take it.”
“Okay,” I managed.
“What you need,” said Porky, “is a new dummy. You’ve got a dummy called Larry. Now you need another dummy. Let the dummy write the big book.”
Porky held his hand up in a gesture that meant I should hear him out.
“Years ago,” he said, “I used to listen to Bob Balducci on the radio. You probably don’t remember him. He was a ventriloquist, and he had a dummy named Baldy. Baldy used to say the craziest things, insulting things, embarrassing things, stupid things. I don’t remember any of them now, but they were crazy things. He used to break me up. Sometimes, though, Baldy would go a little too far: he’d say something too stupid, or too embarrassing, or too insulting, and you know what he’d say then? He’d say, ‘The big guy made me do it.’”
Porky laughed long and loud at the memory of this remark.
“And you know what Balducci would say to that?” he asked through his laughter, and answered himself at once. “He’d say, ‘Don’t listen to him—he’s only a dummy.’”
He laughed long and loud again, and then he pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and blew his nose twice. He shrugged.
“Maybe I’m not making myself clear,” he said.
But he had made himself so clear that my heart had begun to go pit-a-pat and I couldn’t speak. I just sat there wearing a wacky grin.Little Follies, “Call Me Larry”
If I began a book imagining a young man (such as myself) writing a book, then who is writing the book he is writing? ’Tis still “I,” of course, who else could it be? But it is not the “I” I am, with my beliefs and degrees, it is one of my other selves who has always thought it would be fun to be generous instead of stingy, friendly and open instead of suspicious, a bit of a believer instead of a snarly skeptic. I enjoy double-anonymity, having invented the author of my book as well as the author in it.
William H. Gass, in his introduction to the Dalkey Archive edition of
Flann O’Brien’s At Swim-Two-Birds
Eric Kraft . . . looks exactly like my mind’s-eye picture of Peter Leroy: wiry build, wacky smile, bright eyes.
Susan Orlean, “Getting Serial,” The Boston Phoenix
When we swung the screen door open and entered Kap’n Klam, Porky White called out, “Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to the home of happy diners!” … He and my mother knew each other from high school.
“Ella!” he said. “it’s great to see you. How’s that lucky son-of-a-gun Bert?”
My mother burst into tears.
“Hey, hey,” said Porky, rushing to us and gathering my mother in his arms. “Don’t do that. it’s bad for business. This is supposed to be a place where people have a good time.”
“Oh, Porky,” said my mother, striking her forehead with her fist, “I’ve done a terrible thing! A terrible thing!”
“Come on, Ella,” said Porky. “Chin up. How bad could it be? What did you do?”
“Oh, Porky,” she said. She looked at him and said, “Oh, Porky,” again, and then she lowered her eyes and shook her head from side to side and wouldn’t say any more.
“Ella,” said Porky, gently. “Tell me.”
“Ohhhh,” she wailed, “I bought a clam boat!”
“Huh!” said Porky. This was evidently not what he had expected to hear. “A clam boat.” He knit his brows. … “You bought a clam boat,” he said. “Why did you do that?”
My mother just shook her head and brought her hand to her mouth, as if her reasons were too horrible to tell. Patti put her arm across my mother’s shoulders and said to Porky, “We’re going to take people on excursions. On the bay. in the moonlight. Elegant excursions. Ella’s Elegant Excursions. With champagne. Champagne and moonlight.”
“It’s going to be so elegant, Porky,” said my mother, sniffling. “Wait’ll you see.” She managed a smile through her tears.
“So why are you crying?” asked Porky.
“Because I wrote a check for the boat,” she said, “and—” She stopped. She looked at us, and we were all embarrassed to see how much it pained her to have to say what she had to say. We looked away, at the floor, or the counter.
“You don’t have the money to cover the check,” said Porky, quietly.
“I don’t have the money to cover the check,” said my mother, even more quietly.
“Well,” said Porky, “I know all about that. That’s how I got started here. Didn’t have a dime and didn’t have the intestinal fortitude to ask the old man for a nickel. I lined up investors.”
“Investors,” said my mother.
“Yeah,” said Porky. “Investors. Backers. People you can persuade to risk their money so you don’t have to risk yours.” …
“We want some clamburgers, Porky,” I said, dispiritedly. “I’ll help you make them.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Okay.” …
We went behind the counter and got to work. …
Porky put the bags on the counter and handed my mother the check. She got her wallet from her handbag and handed Porky some bills. He took them and he went to the cash register and stood there for a moment, with his head down, but I could see that he was looking our way. He hit the key to open the register, took some bills from the money tray, added them to the bills my mother had given him, and brought them to her.
“Here you go,” he said.
“Thanks, Porky,” said my mother, absently stuffing the bills into her wallet.
“You want to count that,” said Porky.
With a look, she said, “Porky, I’m sure it’s right,” and began to close her bag.
“Mom,” I said, “you want to count it.”
Reluctantly, with a look for me that told me I was speaking out of turn, she opened her wallet. “Oh!” she said, when she looked at the bills, and then, “Oh, Porky!” She leaned across the counter and flung her arms around his neck, and he turned a brilliant red.
“I figured, why don’t I become your first investor?” he said.Inflating a Dog
By the way: Bob Balducci’s career resumed years later. He and Baldy the Dummy figure prominently in Leaving Small’s Hotel.
See also: Author as God or Magician or Puppeteer TG 17, TG 94
Yesterday: the Viano String Quartet, in the New School’s Schneider Concert Series. Here they are playing the second movement of Ravel’s String Quartet in F Major, which they did not play yesterday. They played Caroline Shaw’s “The Evergreen,” Bartók’s String Quartet No. 5, Dvořák’s String Quartet in G Major, and, as their encore piece, an arrangement of Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal.”
[more to come on Thursday, March 3, 2022]
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