Topical Guide 553
Mark Dorset
Clowns
Suckers and Saps
Life Lessons: Disillusionment, or the Ripping of Scales from One’s Eyes, Steps along the way to the Loss of Innocence, the School of Hard Knocks
Reservations Recommended, Chapter 7:
[He] performs a drunken version of a dance that, it seems clear to Matthew, is meant to please, perhaps some dance he did as a child, when it earned him a caress, a treat, a quarter, just what he’s after now. […] Once when Matthew saw him in the pool at the Westin, though, some children were riding up the escalator, trying not to look, as if they thought it must be impolite, but they couldn’t keep themselves from looking, from giggling. The man became aware of them, turned, waved in an oddly endearing way, as if he had had training in this gesture, this endearing wave, as if he had once been a clown. He went into his dance, fell down in the water, and sent the children away laughing openly, gladly. Outside, he’s doing his dance now, stumbling as he does.
“The clown,” says Matthew. Tracy gives him a questioning look. “I think of him as the clown. I see him around. See the little dance he’s doing? He’s like a clown. Maybe he really was a clown once, but there isn’t much work for clowns these days, and that’s why he’s out of work. What do you think?” […]
“Well, I’m giving this stuff to the clown,” says the munificent lad. “It’s nacho night on the streets.”
“Oh, wait a minute,” says the girl who once visited Peru. She reaches under her skirt, brings her hand out with the middle finger extended, wipes it along one of the chips. “My contribution to the homeless,” she says. […]
They’re disgusting, these kids, all of them.
I thought they were the salvation of the earth.
Lyrics improvised by Jean Shepherd:
Man, there was this clown
And he was a real happy guy, a real happy guy
He had all these greens and all these yellows
And all these oranges bubbling around inside of him
And he had just one thing he wanted in this world
He just wanted to make people laugh
That’s all he wanted out of this world
He was a real happy guyLet me tell you about this clown
He used to raise a sweat every night out on that stage
And just wouldn’t stop
That’s how hard he worked
He was trying to make people laugh
He used to have this cute little gimmick
Where he had a seal follow him up and down a step-ladder
Blowing “Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean” on a
B-flat Sears Roebuck Model 1322 A plastic bugle
A real cute act
But they didn’t laugh
Ah, you know, a few little things here and there, but not really
And he was booking out in all these tank towns
Playing the Rotary Club, and the Kiwanis Club
And the American Legion Hall
And he just wasn’t making it
And he had all these wonderful things going on inside of him
All these greens and yellows and all these oranges
He’s a real happy guy
And all he wanted to do was to make these people laugh
That’s all he wanted out of this world is to make people laugh
And then something began to grow
Something that just wasn’t good began to grow inside of this guyYou know, it’s a funny thing
Something began to trouble this clown
You know little things, little things once in a while would happen
That would make that crowd begin to move
But they were never the right things
Like for example the time the seal got sick on the stage
All over the stage
The crowd just, just broke up, you know, little things like that
And they weren’t supposed to be in the act
And they weren’t supposed to be funny
This began to trouble him, and it bothered him
This little thing began to grow inside
All those greens and all those oranges, all those yellows
They just weren’t as bright as they used to be
And all he wanted to do was to make that crowd laugh
That's all he wanted to do
There was this one night in Dubuque
When he was playing this Rotary Club
All these dentists, and all these druggists
All these postmen sitting around
And they were a real cold bunch, nothing was happening
He was leaving the stage when he stumbled over his ladder
And fell flat on his face, just flat on his face!
When he stands up he’s got this bloody nose
He looks out at the crowd and that crowd is just rolling on the floor
He's just knocked them flat out!
This begins to trouble him even more
And he begins to see something, he begins to see somethingAnd right about here things began to change, but really change
Not the least of which our clown changes his act
Bought himself a set of football pads
A yellow helmet with red stripes
Hired a girl who dropped a five-pound sack of flour on his head
Every night
From maybe twenty feet up
Oh man, what a bit, that just broke ’em up every night
But not like Dubuque
And all those colors
All those yellows, all those reds, all those oranges
A lot of gray in there now, a lot of blue
And all he wanted to do was to make this crowd laugh
That's all he wanted out of this world
They were laughing all right
Not like Dubuque, but they were laughing
And the dough started to come in
He was playing the big towns
Chicago, Detroit
And then it was Pittsburgh one night
Real fine town, Pittsburgh, you know
About three-quarters way through his act, a rope broke
Down came the backdrop, right on the back of the neck
And he went flat
And something broke
This was it
It hurt way down deep inside
He tried to get up
He looked out at the audience
And you should’ve, man you should’ve, you should’ve seen that crowd
They was rolling in the aisles
This was bigger than Dubuque
This was bigger than Dubuque!
He really had ’em going
But this was it
This was the last one
This was the last one
Yeah
This was the last one
He knew now
Man, he really knew now!
But it was too late
And all he wanted was to make this crowd laugh
Well, they were laughing
But now he knew
That was the end of the clown
And you should have seen the bookings coming in
Man, his agent was on the phone for twenty-four hours
The Palladium, MCA, William Morris
But it was too late
He really knew now!
He really knew
He really knew now.
William Morris sends regrets
See also:
Life: Metaphors and Similes for TG 40, TG 55, TG 60; Phases of TG 89; Life and Death TG 92; Yearning for Another, Different, Better TG 100, TG 104; Life: Its Vicissitudes TG 146; Life Imitates Art (More or Less) TG 153; Stages of: Puberty TG 164; Life: The Nature of It, and Ways One Might Live One’s TG 382; Life: Its Vicissitudes, Its Shames and Humiliations, Its Follies, Its Burden of Pain, Care, and Misery TG 376; Attitudes Toward TG 523; Carpe Diem TG 523
Laughter TG 29; Laughter and Ridicule: Attitudes Underlying TG 494
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