IN THE HALL, when he presses the elevator button nothing happens. He’s not surprised. Among the “world-class luxury amenities” in the building are elevators that haven’t worked right for months. Every morning two representatives of the elevator manufacturer arrive, disable one of the elevators, and begin leafing through an enormous repair manual. Because they work in the building every day, they’ve come to seem like part of the regular staff. They greet Matthew when he passes them in the morning, and Matthew smiles and says “Good morning” to them. Often they’re still working when he comes home at night, still turning the pages of the manual. Matthew smiles, nods, and says hello. He never criticizes them. He doesn’t want to cause trouble, to seem to be complaining, doesn’t want them to think that he thinks they’re doing anything less than the best they can, because he knows that it’s important not to offend tradespeople when they’re working for you, lest they give up on you, but he can’t help asking himself where on earth the elevator company got these clowns. Are they men who actually know how to fix elevators, or were they sent here for on-the-job training? Every evening, when they leave scratching their heads, the super announces, “So ends another episode in the Adventures of the Hardy Boys and Their Amazing Electric Elevator.” Matthew sketched an idea for a toy elevator that breaks. It would come with a troubleshooting manual, spare parts, and tools. He suggested that this launch a series: washing machines, cars, television sets, anything that breaks. The proposal was greeted at Manning & Rafter with a silence that Matthew took for repressed amusement. Even while he was presenting the idea he realized that it was too blue-collar to sell today. He was living in the past.
At last the elevator bell begins to bing. The left car is coming up, but from somewhere far below the alarm bell from the right car begins to sound. Then Matthew hears a small voice calling “Hello?” in the apologetic tone that people who, like Matthew, don’t want to cause any trouble use when they find themselves in trouble. There is a long pause. “Hello?” There is another long pause. “Is anyone there? Can someone get me out of here?” More ringing of the alarm bell. The left car arrives. It comes up to Matthew’s floor, hesitates for a second, and then heads down again, without ever opening its doors. He considers giving up. He thinks of going back into the apartment, calling Belinda, explaining that it’s impossible for him to leave the building because the elevator isn’t safe, heating up a goat-cheese pizza that he has tucked away in the back of the freezer for an emergency like this, opening a bottle of wine, putting on one of his Coleman Hawkins tapes, and phoning the girls down the hall to see if one of them wants to come to dinner, any one. It sounds like a great plan for about a minute, but then he remembers that he’s too old to interest the girls down the hall. Besides, the elevator comes back up, and the doors open. He takes it as a sign.
In Topical Guide 411, Mark Dorset considers Gadgets, Mechanical; and Toys, Mechanical from this episode.
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🎧 411: In the hall . . .