Matthew has been collecting the works of the Neat Graffitist for some time, memorizing them in the field and writing them down when he gets home. (He wouldn’t like to be seen copying them on the street.) His current theory is that the Graffitist is someone well educated who snapped at a period of high stress — in the middle of the oral defense of his doctoral thesis, say, or while expounding a marketing plan for a toy Burger King franchise. (Not a bad idea, it occurs to Matthew — movable action figures for the manager, teenage crew, off-duty nurses eating lunch. Uniforms sold separately. Tiny burgers, buns, fries, and shakes — also sold separately.) Why does he single out Boston City Hospital? Matthew asks himself. Maybe he was a patient there. Maybe he worked there as an orderly. Maybe he was a doctor there, a brain surgeon, driven mad by the escalating cost of malpractice insurance. That’s a long shot, but certainly isn’t impossible.
Several themes run through the Graffitist’s oeuvre: the paranoiac fretting of someone who feels he’s being watched, criticized, harassed; loneliness and a desire for friendship; and the everyday indignities visited on the vulnerable. At times, he seems to be giving advice for good living, from one who has failed to live as he hoped he would.
ON THIS CORNER AGENTS OF THE INTERNATIONAL LADIES GARMENT WORKERS UNION OBSERVE SOCIAL DEVIANTS. THEY MAKE NOTES, AND TAKE PICTURES. I DON’T THINK THEY HAVE A PROPER RESPECT FOR THE CHARACTERS OF OTHERS.
DRIVE OUT THE BAD HABITS THAT HAVE BEEN DOING YOU HARM. EVEN IF YOU ARE A DRUG ADDICT, YOU CAN BE TRAINED TO GROW PAPRIKA IN MINES. NOBODY WHO SEES EVIL WOULD DELIBERATELY CHOOSE IT.
UPS STRONGMEN SLEEP IN THE PAULIST CENTER, WHICH IS NOT A CHURCH, BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AFRAID OF THEM. (YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AFRAID OF THEM.)
TWO PINKERTONS BIG BULLIES STOLE A LETTER FROM MY SISTER NOW LIVING IN WISCONSIN. THIS WILL NOT BE ENOUGH TO SATISFY THEM. WHY WOULD THEY DO AN EVIL THING?
TO HERBERT: YOU WERE BORN ONCE AND NOT TWICE AND WHEN YOU ARE DEAD YOU WILL BE DEAD FOREVER. GIVE ME BACK MY WATCHES. THEY WILL NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY. THEY ARE NO DEFENSE AGAINST DEATH.
NEVER LAUGH AT SOMEBODY WHO IS CRYING. (YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.) DON’T DRINK IN FRONT OF SOMEBODY WHO IS THIRSTY. DON’T EAT IN FRONT OF SOMEBODY WHO IS HUNGRY.
DORA STOLE A SANDWICH AND TWO SOCKS FROM ME AND I SAID NOTHING. YOU HAVE TO BE READY TO DO EXTRAORDINARY THINGS FOR THE SAKE OF FRIENDSHIP. EVERYBODY NEEDS A PAL.
Issue Number 15 of The Babbington Review is now on Substack.
Have you missed an episode or two or several?
You can begin reading at the beginning or you can catch up by visiting the archive or consulting the index to the Topical Guide.
You can listen to the episodes on the Personal History podcast. Begin at the beginning or scroll through the episodes to find what you’ve missed.
You can listen to “My Mother Takes a Tumble” complete and uninterrupted as an audiobook through YouTube.
You can ensure that you never miss a future issue by getting a free subscription. (You can help support the work by choosing a paid subscription instead.)
At Apple Books you can download free eBooks of Little Follies and Herb ’n’ Lorna.
You’ll find overviews of the entire work in An Introduction to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy (a pdf document) and at Encyclopedia.com.
Share this post