Chapter 30
October 9
Butts of the Joke
To take one of the most commonplace examples in life, what is there so delightful in the sight of a man falling on the ice or in the street, or stumbling at the end of a pavement, that the countenance of his brother . . . should contract in such an intemperate manner, and the muscles of his face should suddenly leap into life like a timepiece at midday or a clockwork toy? . . . The man who trips would be the last to laugh at his own fall, unless he happened to be a philosopher, one who had acquired by habit a power of rapid self-division and thus of assisting as a disinterested spectator at the phenomena of his own ego. But such cases are rare.
Charles Baudelaire, “On the Essence of Laughter”
ALBERTINE WAS STILL IN BED when I returned to the bedroom after writing. She had the covers pulled up to her chin, and she was lying on her back staring at the ceiling. I ran my fingers along her cheek, then sat on the edge of the bed and leaned my elbows on my knees. For a while, neither of us said anything, then she said, “There are mornings now when I don’t want to get up.”
“It’s so cold,” I said, and by saying it I intended to put the blame on something neither of us could control, but as soon as I spoke I realized that she might think that I was referring to the moribund boiler, growing feebler by the day, and that she might consider the reference a complaint about her hotel-management skills, so I added, “This is the coldest fall we’ve had in years.”
“Oh, it’s not the cold,” she said. “I mean, yes, it’s cold, and you know that I don’t like getting out of bed on cold mornings, but it’s really fear. I guess I’m reluctant to get up and find out what new messes the day will bring. I’m afraid that things will go wrong, that people will be after me, making demands on me, screwing life up for me.”
I wished that I could say something to change her mind about that, but I couldn’t think of anything convincing. “You’re probably right,” I said at last, and for some reason she laughed at that. She got out of bed, pulled her workout clothes on, and went for her run.
[to be continued]
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